I needed to keep my energy up because there were just too many things going on in the last month or so since before leaving DC. I was volunteering and house-sitting and moving furniture and working at various studios and office jobs and writing and hanging with dear friends and voting and seeing doctors and dentists, etc., anything I could do before taking off for the north! It was truly a busy, but blessed time in my life.
I was also taking vigilant care of my well-being by practicing yoga, running and meditating, as well as eating as healthy as I could (given the bouncing around circumstances.) It was a few weeks after I arrived in Windsor, Ontario, that I realized no one was paying attention to me (that line sounds so sad - I promise it is not), so I felt I could finally catch my breath, pause and take a load off. So, saying that, I have been enjoying some movies and down time, which is wonderful and really enjoyed seeing the movies Lincoln and Argo!
But of course, my mind, like many of us, started to think unhealthy thoughts. Our minds race and think about whether or not we are doing enough or are even good enough. Something pretty prevalent in our society.
This coincided with my lightening up on eating well. I caved into cravings for pastries and popcorn (with plenty of butter and salt!) and allowed myself to not be so active (easy to do when everyone drives everywhere around here – one thing I really miss about urban living is the walking every where part.)
The thing is it was my goal was to take a load off from DC living and to see what the world had to offer me elsewhere. Stop and take a few breaths (even if in Windsor, Ontario – the people here are super awesome, BTW – although I hear that this is the rectum of the earth? – they take this kind of ribbing very well here!) I was still giving myself shit for not doing enough and not getting results fast enough.
The thing is the path I have chosen is a path of patience. I was looking forward to grounding myself and taking the winter months as a time of hibernation (a nice way to think about spending the winter months in Canada – think “retreating to the north” in a British accent.)
I thought by coming up to Canada, I would be able to easily become the person I was meant to be. I could create this person who is more patient and willing and hardworking and maybe perhaps even little more at ease with herself. The thing is I could have easily become that person in DC (I think). I was, in a way, just running from something I would eventually have to deal with. Many truths about oneself that come up when they really start to look at themselves closely (only by being alone in their thoughts.) Maybe I wouldn’t have been able to see that about myself had I stayed in DC? It definitely is nice to get perspective about life with time and space…
I used to think that staying busy was the path towards happiness. Of course, staying active and fit and caring for others is quite healthy and good, it just gets a bit tricky when you keep yourself too busy to think about the things you want in your life. All the accumulated pain that has not been dealt with needs to be dealt with, in very simple and plain words.
One of the eight limbs of Patanjali’s Yoga Sutra is Pratyahara. The control of the senses. Without really knowing this fully, I wanted to be able to control my senses more. Deep down, I wanted to be less attached to certain foods or to certain kinds of love.
Which I think is really what we are all trying to do at the end of the day, in some way or another. Controlling our senses in terms of our eating, loving, smoking, drinking, spending, etc. or whatever your battle. We try and try and try to do this controlling of our senses without putting into place ways to make that controlling successful. For example, having a meditation/prayer or exercise/yoga practice are ways to make this controlling more of a success. After a while it doesn’t feel like a battle, because it is not.
I read that most of the emotional imbalance we feel, are of our own volition. That when we are influenced by outside sources and events, we cannot achieve the inner peace we are longing for.
I personally was feeling the stress of being away from something I knew (DC) and was craving more snacks as a way to comfort myself. Which brings me to my next point, I recently learned that there are different types of food sources. There are primary foods and a secondary foods. The primary foods are career, exercise, relationships, etc. Food is secondary. Of course, you want to eat well, but your cravings for certain foods are triggered by what is missing in your life in your primary circle. I am a little out of balance right now, I see my holes, but the apple fritter at Starbucks and the honey cruller at Tim Horton’s are making me feel comfort. It is filling me up with something familiar.
Thankfully, I recognize this and understand that this is temporary and I can control this. Start to put into place ways to get more balance.
For example, I went to the Detroit Flyhouse to try acro-yoga and aerial-yoga this past weekend. And today, I went to a Zumba class at the Y. I am sitting at Starbucks right now full of love for my desire to make my life better and skipping the apple fritter (although in Canada they do not have the fritter – so that was easy today thankfully!)
I believe that we are all dealing with some pain. Can you think about what ways you can start to help find balance in your life? What do you reach for when you are stressed? What are you missing in your life? Are you able to see what the holes are? Do you have the support you need to help you through sad or stressful periods?
Here is a site to get some daily love called, “The Daily Love.”
Also, another site called Notes from the Universe - they send daily words of wisdom, which I am always looking for in my inbox!
Stop and think about what you need or what is missing in your life. You may not be able to join me in Windsor, Ontario, but you may be able to make those changes over a period of time incrementally. It is slow and you need patience, but you have this life right now and why not live it the way you want to! What do you have to lose?
Please share your experiences below!
Sending much love and hugs from Starbucks in Windsor (sans the processed pastries!)